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invisible_fool [userpic]
Deadlands: Crocodile Rock
by invisible_fool (invisible_fool)
at June 26th, 2012 (01:01 am)

The Cast-
CARRIE: Libido-less Buddhist nurse.
CASSIE: The Pinky.
EDDIE: The Brain.
HERBERT: Man with a mantlepiece.

CHARLOTTE: Girl with interesting dreams.




CARRIE OOC (to GM): You'd give me one eventually, but not right away.

(On designating a 'safe word' for the session)
GM: This is for me to use, too.

CASSIE: Eddie, I can see, but less than usual.

CASSIE OOC: He called me fat, Eddie.
EDDIE OOC: Yeah, I read the quote. Why is he still alive? Are you saving him for me?
CASSIE OOC: SHH! Don't spoil your Christmas present!

CASSIE OOC: It doesn't say anything about lesbianism.
EDDIE OOC: It's like Queen Victoria that way.

CARRIE: Charlotte, open your top two buttons.
CHARLOTTE: Why?
CARRIE: Just trust me.

(On an unrelated incident)
CASSIE OOC: You were stroking your boobs with oil!
GM: I'm with [Innocent Bystander]. Her boobs are irrelevant.

CASSIE OOC [to Herbert]: Go and fuck your pizza. The GM says so.

GM: Got crocodiles bigger'n me.
CARRIE: That's... not what we're lookin' for.

CASSIE: I trust you guys because I don't trust you on your own.
EDDIE: Then why have we sent Carrie and Charlotte off?
CASSIE: Because... because shut up.
EDDIE: One thing I have always admired, Cass, is your logic.

CARRIE [to Charlotte]: When we get there, you're the one who has to say we're lookin' for a bird. I ain't gonna lie.

HERBERT: But Saul, you say, is a madman.
CASSIE: We're not in any position to judge.

CASSIE: Oh, just set fire to it.

GM: He is, however, wearing the inappropriate old-man braces. Like Herbert.

EDDIE OOC: LLAMA!

EDDIE OOC: I called dibs on this party a loooong time ago.

CARRIE: He likes stuffin' things an' puttin' 'em on his mantlepiece.
HERBERT: Please don't misrepresent me... I like putting them ABOVE my mantlepiece.

EDDIE (whispered to Cassie): Did he just say 'Golly'?
CASSIE (in hysterics): Yes!

GM: You know what, this session probably won't need the safe word because I don't think we're going to get that far.

EDDIE: Cass, I would say you never need ter walk under mah mantlepiece, but I figure nobody's gonna believe that ain't an innuendo.

EDDIE: Everybody hates pigeons. I've got a hat; that's a lot of area to get shit on.

CASSIE: Tastes of pestilence.
EDDIE: Yep. I surely hope I do not catch a fatal disease.

(Partway through a surprisingly successful session)
EDDIE OOC: Cass, when did you learn to roll dice?

GM: Right, we'll start with non-botchy...

EDDIE OOC: Raj is sufficiently versed in yoga for the double-buggery, but Herbert isn't.
CASSIE OOC: ...Not sure if want.

CASSIE OOC: I'm hurt, Eddie.
EDDIE OOC: Talk to Carrie about that.
CASSIE OOC: She can't mend a broken heart.
(Carrie checks sheet)
CARRIE OOC: No, that's true.

HERBERT: Is it that sort of moaning or the other sort?
CASSIE: That is not helpful.

CASSIE [pointing at Charlotte]: YOOU! You finally hit puberty!

EDDIE OOC: I HAVE NO INTEREST IN A BODY ONCE IT'S DEAD! I have to correct this misapprehension every session and frankly I find it deadist!

HERBERT: That's only mildly worse.
EDDIE: Worse?
HERBERT: Or better. I knew it had to be one of the two.

EDDIE OOC [on eating Herbet]: Waste not, want not.
CASSIE OOC: What are you wastin'?

EDDIE: Right. That's good. It's not an evil demon-possessed squirrel.
CASSIE: That's... good to know, Eddie.

GM: There were totally dicks involved in that dream last night!

CASSIE: Eddie, I fully rescind anythin' I said about not eatin' this man. Use your own judgement.

GM: Everyone, Herbert has just refrained from saying something stupid. Twice.
HERBERT: I'm improving!

(the rest of the party is applying horrible gunk to drive mosquitos away)
EDDIE: Best day to be an undead abomination in ages.

CARRIE: I coulda stayed home and married a nice young boy who worked at the laundry.
EDDIE: Carrie, remember what happened to the laundry.

EDDIE: A squirrel with flaps of skin under its arms.
GM: Mm-hmm.
EDDIE: It's skin or somethin' else's? (off Cassie's look) What? It's a valid question.

CARRIE OOC: Eddie has word of the day toilet paper.
GM: HE DOESN'T POO!

CASSIE OOC: Are we really doing toilet paper now? Aren't dick jokes more of our thing?

CASSIE OOC: Is a big puppy. Is covered in fur! ^_^

CASSIE (singing): If you're happy being swallowed clap your hands...

HERBERT: It would be so much easier if we had an aircraft.
CASSIE: Well, get building one, Herbert.

EDDIE OOC: Goddammit, Heroic disadvantage!

GM: Something parts the water near your head.
EDDIE OOC: Does the crocodile react?
GM: It parts its mouth a little wider.
EDDIE OOC: Sweet, sweet cover from fire!

CHARLOTTE OOC: I'm going to join Carrie on the land.
CASSIE OOC: You've lost another daddy.

CARRIE OOC: I try to push them off with my mighty 1d4 Strength.

EDDIE: I'd help, but I'm trying to be eaten by a crocodile. (beat) Best excuse ever.

CASSIE OOC: We're in a hentai! Well, you're in a hentai. I'm in a crocodile.

CASSIE OOC: I can probably put that on the Internet with no repercussions whatsoever... Don't quote that. Or that either.

EDDIE OOC: Let's sing the Drowning Song!

EDDIE: We're safe! No other crocodile is going to eat us while we're in here.

CASSIE: I'm stabbing it in the inner balls. Why is it not dead?

CASSIE: That's called a libido.
CARRIE: I don't have one of those.
CASSIE: Everyone has one of those.
CARRIE: They took it out when I became a Buddhist.

EDDIE OOC: Why is is that whenever we have a serious dramatic scene, one or both of us can't stop laughing?

GM: Herbert appears to be skilfully drowning.

CASSIE (sings): I'm in a crocodile... and I'm OK... I'm in a crocodile... and I'm feelin'... blue... I'm on four wind...

CASSIE: This is the best day ever.

CASSIE OOC: I'm not drowning. I'm suffocating, it's entirely different.

CASSIE OOC: Why are we not fighting naked people instead? Naked people have no armour!

GM: Herbert, something terrifying is heading in your direction.
EDDIE: Hello!

HERBERT OOC: For someone who professes to despise puns-
CASSIE OOC: No, I hate YOUR puns!

GM: Just sit right there while I do Charlotte.

GM: You can leave now.
CASSIE OOC: Ha!
(door doesn't open)
GM: Panic makes it harder.